Pain caused me to feel hopeless, fearful, unworthy, withdrawn and depressed.
During this difficult season…
I placed my happiness in the palm of things that didn’t fulfill me.
Blaming the people who love and care about me; for the reason I wasn’t happy or content within myself.
Staying + being in places I absolutely hated.
Coming home feeling empty and emotionally drained.
Barely eating or sleeping.
I began to withdraw from the people that loved me the most.
Not realizing my selfishness was also causing them so much pain.
During that moment I didn’t care about anyone, anything or even myself.
I didn’t have a care in this world.
Desperately trying to find the woman who I knew God created me to be.
Using years of pain as an excuse as to why I was acting so shitty towards myself and others.
Cutting people off for my lack of emotional availability.
Harvesting my pain without working through it.
Having suicidal thoughts.
Feeling as though I was better off dead.
Thinking suicide was going to help.
I couldn’t do.
I was hurting.
I was confused.
I didn’t know what to do next.
I knew at this very moment I needed God, his love, forgiveness, mercy and grace.
I started to repair my relationship with God, which made me repair my relationship with myself.
I stopped holding onto things I had no control over.
I began to pray, speak more positive things to myself and life.
Even when I was faced with difficulty.
Prayer and daily devotions made me feel better.
This felt good.
I smiled and laughed more.
I unconditionally forgave myself and others.
I needed to feel like this, like myself.
Like the woman I knew God wanted me to be.
My healing and self-love journey was the beginning of something so beautiful.
This journey is an ever lasting journey.
I don’t always good, productive and positive days.
No one does, it’s life.
But there’s been more good days than bad.
But it’s MINE.
This life I live everyday.
I am stronger, confident, wiser and most importantly a better me.
I am better with myself, the people I love and the people I come in contact with.
Pain isn’t forever.
It doesn’t last forever, unless YOU want it too.
There is so much joy after YOU realize your life is so much BIGGER than your pain, mistakes and past failures.
Pain helped me find my strength and purpose.
After feeling lost.
I was found.
I am happy, healthy and comfortable within myself and MY life.
Pain can help you.
Love and happiness can and will find YOU.
YOU just have to be willing to do the internal work.