Finding joy through the pain.

Hello beautiful souls,

Nicholle Kobi

(Artwork: Nicholle Kobi)

Today I just wanted to come on here, and shed some love + light. I hope you all are having an amazing + joyful week, and just overall staying thankful + positive. I know with this new month, you have a million and one things you want to get accomplished this month. I have so many amazing things projects I’m working on, and I can’t wait for you all to finally see the new look for Unashamed Queens. It’s been a long busy + productive summer, working with an amazing creative who I respect + admire, and the this new illustration she created for me is beyond beautiful.

Moving forward.

(Artwork: Nicholle Kobi).

Today I caught myself reflecting on this past year, and all of the amazing things God is doing in my life, and I couldn’t help but to be appreciative of his grace. Often times we find ourselves focusing on the things that brings us so much pain, and not realizing that pain is temporary. I remember being the type of person that was comfortable with being stagnant, and allowed all of the pain I have endured in life to hinder me from receiving God’s love + grace. I was so used to pointing the finger, and placing blame on others for my lack of self-love.

It wasn’t until I had to genuinely forgive myself, and allow myself to go through the process of self-love. It wasn’t easy at first, there was days where I felt like giving up, and just saying fuckkkk it! But I hated the way pain felt, and just knowing that living in darkness just wasn’t an option for me anymore. I was so tired of feeling broken + unhappy, that I decided to change my perspective. I wouldn’t say I’m numb to pain, because we’re all human, and we’re all going to experience some type of pain in our lives, whether we want too, or not.

For me I knew I didn’t want to live my life not being able to forgive, and just simply holding grudges toward people who have wronged me. I remember reading this quote, and it specifically said “sometimes you have to accept an apology you never got”, and that right there spoke so many volumes in my life because we will literally drown ourselves in pain, knowing these people will never tell us their sorry for the pain they’ve caused us. I’ve also realized that you have to also forgive yourself, and be open to joy. We don’t understand that all of this stems from within, and if you want to be happy, you can’t expect for others to bring you something that should already come from the inside.


(Artwork: Nicholle Kobi).

I began to pray more, and re-build my relationship with God. I also started to get rid of things + people that didn’t serve my spirit in a positive light. If I wanted to be my higher-self, I had to let go of things that didn’t bring me joy + peace. I also had to be mindful that if I continued to live my life the way I was living it, I wasn’t going to end up being the woman God called me to be. When I thought about that, I knew I needed to change my thought process, and be emotionally-freed from toxic bondage.

I think when some people think about forgiveness, they think of it as being a sign of weakness, but it’s really a sign of growth. The joy you begin to feel after you’ve forgiving yourself, and the people that have wrong you is such an amazing + overwhelming feeling. If I had to think about where I was, and who I used to be 3-4 years ago, I could honestly say that the woman I was then was broken and unhappy. She didn’t know the things she knows today, and that’s why growth is such a beautiful thing.

I just thank God each and everyday for giving me a heart that’s filled with forgiveness + joy now. I’m not going to say that there isn’t days where I think about the past, because I am human, and I have my days of weakness, and being vulnerable! I feels good to not have any type of bitterness or malice in your heart anymore. This newfound joy feels good, and I’m embracing it with open arms.


I want to encourage you all that it’s okay to feel weak + vulnerable(sometimes), but it’s not okay to not be okay! I want you all to surround yourself around people who genuinely love + care about your well-being, and people who encourages you to be your higher-self everyday! When you’re always the one encouraging others, but don’t feel as though you can’t go to anyone for encouragement, then that’s a problem, and I want you all to re-evaluate the people you have in your life. People who love + care about you, will never want to see you suffer, they’ll want to see you succeed! I just want you all to be mindful of miserable-comforters, and to be able to distinguish the difference between people who want to see you suffer rather than succeed.





Day 1: #SheHeals Challenge

unnamed (29).jpg

I decided to participate in my bloggers sisters MellieKing.Com + TamekaChristmas.Com

#SheHeals 31 day challenge. 

unnamed (30).jpg

Question #1

When you look into the mirror, what do you see?

When I look into the mirror: I see a strong, beautiful, valuable, worthy, self-less, unapologetic, and unashamed woman who has overcome so many hardships in life.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who previously lacked self-love + worth.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who is building a promising sisterhood community for beautiful women.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who sometimes has her days of feeling worthless.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who will give anyone the shirt off of her back.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who isn’t afraid of standing out, and being different.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who loves to love.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who is finally loving herself unconditionally.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who is finally letting go of self-sabotage.

When I look into the mirror: I see a woman who is proud of herself.

Question #2

Who are you right now?

Right now I am where God wants me to be.

Right now I am love.

Right now I am light.

Right now I am worthy.

Right now I am focused

Right now I am free

Right now I am proud

Right now I am capable of anything I set my mind to.



unnamed (27).jpg

Hello beautiful souls,

I hope you all are having an amazing + prosperous week getting things done, and spreading love + light into this world! We’re already in month 8, where did the time go? It feels like yesterday we were entering in the new year, and now we’re more than halfway through this year! I can’t wait to see all of the amazing things God is going to do in each of our lives this month, and moving forward! This year has been so filled with so much joy, temporary pain, peace, and overall happiness! It feels like I haven’t posted a blog in foreverrrr, life has been crazy, busy, and productive for me! I have a few things I’ve been working on, and needed to take a slight break from blogging to dedicate my full attention to my craft! But I’m backkkk, and feeling amazing + rejuvenated!

I hope you all managed to get your August goals written down, and if you haven’t already done so, start TODAY! If you’re a person who struggles with setting goals, I highly suggest that you find some effective ways to help you with goal-setting! Pintrest has some really great goal-setting prompts you can use to better help you set your goals throughout the day, week, month and year. I want to also encourage you all to get in the habit of setting goals + deadlines. Often times we set goals only in the beginning of the new year, but neglect to set goals throughout the year. I want you all to get to a point in your life where if you want to do something, you’re going to do it, PERIOD! Don’t worry about if it takes you days, weeks, months, or even years to complete, just start on it NOW, and watch it grow in due time.

July accomplishments:

I launched the official #UnashamedGirlTalk podcast, whoot hoot!

This podcast was something I’ve been wanting to do for a few years, and I’m just so blessed that I was able to step out on faith, and do something I am very passionate about, and that’s to inspire, uplift, and encourage women through sisterhood! This podcast was dedicated to the work I do, and to also inspire other women to chase their dreams without feeling ashamed! Please feel free to listen, and also share if you love/like the #UnashamedGirlTalk podcast!

If you all don’t know…

I created a #UnashamedBloggers group.

unnamed (26).jpg

This group is a safe-space for bloggers + creatives to come together, uplift, support, and celebrate one another in their blogging journeys!

If you’re a blogger and want to join the #UnashamedBloggers community, please feel free to follow us on Instagram.

unnamed (25).jpg



Yesterday was my 24th birthday, and it was nothing short of amazing! As I sit back, and reflect on the past year, I can’t help but to thank God for his unconditional love, grace, faithfulness and mercy! I have been through so many things in life, and by his grace I was able to overcome everything that was once meant to break me completely down! I feel so blessed knowing that life isn’t promised tomorrow, and you should always appreciate your life + the people around you! Often times we take people, and our lives for granted, and I just don’t want to be a person that’s not appreciative of these amazing things + people in my life.

I made a promise to myself this year that I will always be filled with love, life, forgiveness, and joy! Holding on to things that doesn’t bring me joy isn’t an option anymore, and will no longer live in my heart or spirit. I’m just in a new space, and it feels good to be able to finally be free from old bondage! I just pray that this new year will be filled with an abundance amount of growth, love, positivity, and prosperity!

unnamed (22).jpgunnamed (23).jpgunnamed (24).jpg



(Photo is by Nicholle Kobi).

Hello July,

We’re only 10 days into the month of July, there’s been so much love + joy and even chaos in my life these past few months. But overall life is so joyful, and those bad days doesn’t last forever! If you don’t know, July is my favorite month of the year, and it’s also my birthday month. I don’t really have any plans, because I hate planning + preparing for things! I just like when things flow naturally, and smoothly without having too many expectations and being let down by people who never come through.

But anyways…

Over this past weekend I was able to celebrate the life of my son who just turned two years old, spend time with my family, and also catch up with my best-friend. It felt really good to be surrounded by love, genuine love! It also felt good to finally be able to spend a weekend without thinking about work, and business. If you truly know me, you know that I am a workaholic, and I will not do anything until my work is completely finished. My mind is always on the go, and I can never shut my brain off with all of these amazing ideas God keeps placing onto my spirit.


I love + appreciate my work ethic, and how I manage to balance everything I have going on in my life, whether it’s good or bad. But don’t get it twisted, there are days where I just want to get a break from everything + everyone, while I focus completely on myself, and nothing else. I remember thinking it was so selfish of me wanting to focus on myself, knowing I have my own little family, immediate + extended family, and friends. So I would pretty much shrug off the idea of taking care of myself, since I’m a natural born nurturer. Which is definitely a blessing, and sometimes a curse because I love making sure the people I love is good, but I have to make sure I am good as well. But now I know that it’s so important + apart of self-care that I take care of myself, and recharge! Life can become a little overwhelming, and you need to be mindful that your mental-health + well-being matters and it should be a priority in your life! I’m just so grateful that I have a partner that understands my need for being alone at times, without him feeling neglected. I just love how he’s very understanding + respectful of my wishes, which makes me appreciate him ten times more.


(Photo is from Nicholle Kobi)

Let’s rewind back to last week…

A few days ago I caught myself having a mini breakdown, because I was feeling extremely burnt out from work and being overwhelmed with life’s chaos. Work has been filled with joy because I have some amazing co-workers who I have built amazing relationships with, and then there are days where I just don’t want to be here at all. I don’t feel fulfilled anymore, and that’s simply because my passion lies elsewhere. Life’s chaos has been my apartment complex, and their extremely rude + unprofessional staff and a crazy ass next door neighbor. Let me mind you, we’ve only been living in our apartment since 6/1, and I’m already ready to move out. Don’t get me wrong, the place is absolutely beautiful but it’s definitely not worth the bullshit they put you through. The management there is the absolute worse, but the good thing about all of this is we’re moving to another unit from this creepy neighbor of ours.

I literally had to take a whole day, and dedicate it to myself without any distractions, and just recharge because the way I was feeling, I know for a fact God wouldn’t of been happy. I’m just so glad that when I was going through my season of exposure last year, I was able to truly learn self-discipline + control, because I was on the verge of going completely off, and just being like you know what, it is what it is, IDGAF. The old me would’ve been like I don’t have time for this shit, i’ll go somewhere else and end up in the SAME exact position, but somewhere else! But the woman I am today just uses those examples as life lessons to push myself even harder, so I can get myself to where I need/want to be.

Moving forward….

June has taught me so much about myself, patience, and why settling will never be an option for me. I remember being stuck in places, and situations that didn’t fulfill me and would be soooo miserable because I knew I deserved God’s best. So I prayed about a few things last week, and God gave me exactly what I needed. I decided to let go of the things I had absolutely no control over, and focused on the things I do have control over, and that’s joy + peace. Today I received an amazing email that made me smile soooo big on the inside + out, and I knew that was God answering my prayers for guidance. Let’s just say, when you think he isn’t working, he’s working over-time and you should never doubt him coming through for you, especially with something that’s BETTER than life!




embracing all of me.

(Photo is from Nicholle Kobi).

Hello beautiful souls,

Today I just wanted to talk about my journey through embracing all of me, and how important it is to embrace all of you. If you’ve been journeying with me, or if you’re a new follower to my blog I talked about struggling with lack of self-love, and not realizing my worth. 

When I began the journey of self-love three to four years ago, I had to face some of my most darkest moments + truths. Truths no-one knew but myself, truths no-one would ever see on the outer parts of me, truths no-one would ever have imagined me going through because I was the master of hiding my pain, and covering it with “I’m good”, knowing damn well I was hurting so bad.

I’ve always been the type of person that was just private, everything about me was private and it wasn’t until I started blogging that I decided I wanted to open up a little more and share my testimony with others, and also help them re-discover their light as well.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a very private person when it comes to the things + people I love + treasure near to my heart. I have also realized that you can still be a private person that can share what you’re struggling with, without getting to far into details, and that’s okay. I’ve always kept a journal with me, writing down my thoughts, fears and things that were eating me up on the inside has also helped me in my journey through self-love.

People don’t tell you that the process is going to have some really bad days, and when I say bad I mean really bad days. You have to really figure things out, because everyone’s journey is different. When I was going through my season of exposure, a few things that I have learned was the importance of self-discipline + control and patience. These three things kept me ground, and held me accountable. I would have days were I felt alone, even though I was surrounded by people who loved me, unconditionally. I was telling myself I was alone, which isn’t healthy, by far….

During this journey I had to learn to trust + believe in myself. If I didn’t love + value myself, how would it be possible for me to love + value the people that’s in my life or even others that I wanted to encourage? This was when self-evaluation played a huge part in my journey. 

I had to re-evaluate myself, and the things I allowed to interfere with how I viewed myself. I had to learn how to love the good, the bad and the ugly parts of me. I had to understand that I was worthy, and that I had a handful of people who loved + cherished me and my well-being. I wasn’t alone, I was loved deeply and I that I should love myself as well.

I had to learn that I was not only beautiful on the outside, but I was also beautiful on the inside. I had to learn that people will only focus on the outer parts of a person, without knowing that on the inside they’re struggling with loving themselves. 

This is why it’s so important that you don’t focus on outer beauty appearances, but what’s really on the inside! Not saying these people are bad people, because they’re not but if you love someone, then you should always encourage and inspire them to be their greater self.

I’m beyond grateful for my support system, and most importantly God because without his faithfulness and grace, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today! & my support system has also helped me in so many ways, the moment I re-discovered my light, that’s when I began to embrace all of me, unapologetically + unashamed.

Sprinkle of motivation:

When you’re going through your journey of self-love, please embrace + accept all of you! The good, bad and the ugly! Don’t let anyone tell you, what your journey should look like because all of our journeys are different. Understand that it’s okay to be mad, angry, disappointed and confused! You’re going to have days where you feel up, and then there’s going to be days where you feel down, and that’s okay! 

It’s all apart of the process, and there’s going to be days where you’re going to feel like giving up, but that’ll defeat the purpose! Don’t forget that there’s also going to be days where you’re happy, fulfilled and joyful! Just continue to press forward, surround yourself around positive people and don’t compare your journey to others.

intentional living.

Intentional means done on purpose; deliberate.

I just want to briefly share with you all how intentional living has gotten me through these past 6 months, and how it’s getting me ready to conqueror these next 6 months.

I have learned that waiting on things to happen in my life, doesn’t happen until I take the initiative to make these things happen! I remember sitting, planning, dreaming and getting frustrated because things weren’t happening the way I pictured them happening in my dreams! I’m not saying don’t dream, but what’s a dream if you’re scared to execute that that same dream you’ve been dreaming about? What’s the point of dreaming about something, you’re scared of doing? What’s making you scared? What’s making you uncomfortable? What’s making you not want to chase your dreams? Ask yourself these questions, and id the answer comes back to you, then it’s time to do some self-reflecting.

What helped me with living intentional was living in my truth, being unashamed + my authentic-self! I had to remind myself that I am not perfect, and that I’m going to make mistakes, but I don’t have to be ashamed about the mistakes I make either! You have to stop being ashamed of your journey, you don’t know who is out there that’s rooting for you and who is out there needing to hear your testimony! 

You also have to learn how to celebrate + root for yourself as well. When I began to live intentional, I knew there was going to be people around me that didn’t see my vision, or people who clearly wasn’t going to support the amazing things that I do. Instead of me mopping and crying about people not being in my corner, I decided to use all of that energy to perfect my craft. You can’t let people dictate who you are, and what you’re capable of achieving! You’re magical, and deserving of living an abundance life that’s filled with joy, love, peace and happiness!

I’ve also noticed when I started to become more intentional with my dreams, God began to align so many things in my life! I started to get more creative, my vision became more clearer and things just began to happen, because I was allowing them to happen. I had to stop the bullshit, and just do the work! I had to also remind myself that this life was 100% mines, and me waiting around for a miracle to happen, wasn’t getting me to the places I needed to be. I’m still working on where I want to be in life, but right now I have everything I need, while working on where I want to be. I’m not comfortable, but I’m content + happy.

We don’t realize how important it is that we don’t focus too much on the outcome, when we do this we begin to miss out on so many valuable lessons + life teachings. You get to thinking well such and such did this and that in this amount time of time, why can’t this happen for me? Well for starters… Your journey is yours, and theirs is theirs. You can’t rush greatness, it takes time, but you still have to do the work and focus on your own lane! When we begin to compare our journeys with others, we set ourselves up to fail. That’s why it’s important that we focus on our own lane, and not compare ours to theirs.

“Scared money, don’t make money”

This is probably one of my favorite phrases/quotes, whenever I feel like I’m allowing self-sabotage ti interfere with my dreams, I automatically think about this quote and it gets me all the way together! Often times we talk about what we’re going to do, what we want to do and how we’re going to do it but we end up NEVER doing it, and we end up beat ourselves up because we feel as though it’s too late! We waste valuable time sitting, planning, and waiting for these things to fall into your lap, when the only way these things are going to happen is if we get up and do it! If you sit and wait on the right time, you’re going to be waiting forever, sorry! You have to do the work to get YOU to where YOU need to be, stop waiting for someone else to give you the go or to put you on and just GO! If you’re worried about making mistakes, I just want to let you in on a little secret…YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES! Period! Every successful person has falling and made a million and one mistakes, but guess what they did? They got back up, fixed the mistake and kept on going! Don’t wait on anything, don’t put too much of your time on planning things, just do it! We put way too much time into focusing on the outcome, that we forget to appreciate what the journey is teaching us about ourselves.

Today start, and don’t look back! Just figure everything out along the way, you’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to have days where you feel as though is this even worth, and then there will be days that are joyful and beautiful. You also have to know what whatever you put out into the world, it’s going to be well received! Don’t worry about who’s going to love it, as long as you love it that’s all that matters! I hope this blog inspired you, have an amazing + joyous day.

be true to YOU! 

Often times we don’t realize the importance of staying true to our authentic selves. We tend to allow the thoughts + opinions of others to dictate who we are + what we should be doing with our lives. When you understand that the need for people not liking you or the things you’re doing with your life, you’ll begin to be happy with the beautiful person God created you to be.

I know sometimes social media can make you feel as though if you’re not doing this and that, then you’re not doing anything! & I’m hear to tell you that being successful isn’t a race, and you shouldn’t measure success by what other people have! We all have our own definition of what being successful means, and for others it might look different!

Everyone wants to be a boss because they see other people making money + doing something they love, but you don’t know what that person goes through on a daily basis when it comes to their business! There’s nothing wrong with working a 9-5, you get people on social media downing people for not being their own boss! Don’t let anyone else make you feel as though you have to be an entrepreneur to be successful, because working a job you absolutely love is being successful as well!

Keep grinding for the things you truly want in life. Keep shining your love + light onto others. Keep doing things that makes YOU happy. Stay in your own lane + focus on your OWN shit. Don’t worry about what others are doing and what they have on their plate because if you’re watching them,  you’re losing time that could’ve been spent getting things you really want done! & besides watching them, isn’t going to put food on your plate! 🤷🏽‍♀️

Be your authentic self…

When you’re being your authentic self, it’s a feeling of being completely free. When you’re being your authentic self the thoughts + opinions of others would never bother you because YOU know who YOU are and them feeling any type of way about you, wouldn’t even get to you! When you’re being your authentic self, you’re doing things that makes YOU happy, and not doing things to please others! Understand that being your authentic self matters, and it’s okay to be true to YOU! ❤