When is enough, Enough? 

I’ve been asked the question: when is enough, enough? I believe that enough is enough, when you start to feel like nothing is working or the situation isn’t changing and you feel yourself becoming emotionally drained with a person/situation! When you get to that point where there’s nothing else for you to do, & you don’t have anymore fight in you… Then that’s when enough is enough! 

Many times we find ourselves fighting for a relationship, friendship, job or whatever because we love these people/things, & we tend to hold on to these things when we know they mean us NO good! We tend not to check ourselves in the process, we don’t check our self love or value because we tend to stay because these are just things we can’t let go of. We stay because this is the only love that we know and also because we fear the thought of starting over with someone/something new! We tend to settle for mediocre love, when we know we deserve someone/something better than what we’re receiving!

I guess the only thing I can tell anyone, if they’re faced with this situation is to do whatever it is you feel is best for you! If you feel like you’re emotionally and physically drained from this person or a situation, then it’s time to reevaluate the situation and choose happiness over misery! You’re not entitled to be with someone, or be somewhere you’re not feeling loved or valued! If you’re the only one trying to make things work, & you don’t feel the same with your partner because you feel as though they’ve mentally and emotionally checked out the relationship, then let it go! There’s nothing more you can do, because you’ve already did all you can do during the relationship! 

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7 day NO social media challenge.

March 1st, 2016 I decided to challenge myself to a NO social media cleanse, I thought this would be helpful to regain my life back from always being glued to my phone all day and night! Not saying social media has complete control over my life, but I’m saying that when something is becoming a problem for you and you can’t focus on the things that actually matters in your life, REAL LIFE… Then it’s time to start detoxing those things that’s not benefiting you in no type of way. I also thought this challenge will be a refresher for me as well, being able to spend more time catching up on my tv shows, homework, going out with my family and just enjoying life without having my phone in my hand! 

The struggle with self-discipline.

It’s easy to say you’re going to do something, but being able to follow through and challenge yourself is definitely rewarding but it’s a struggle! I woke up this morning and looked at my phone and totally forgot I deactivated all of my accounts and deleted them from my phone! I know the first couple of days are going to be challenging, but anything is possible when you’re willing to do better and change some of your bad habits! 

Relationships and social media.

For many of you who know, Mike “my boyfriend” doesn’t have any social media sites! For me it’s not hard maintaining your relationship with social media, you just have to make your relationship a priority and not choosing to spend so much time on social media where you begin to neglect your partner! I think this challenge will also be more beneficial to my relationship since we’re both off on weekends, we can actually plan something and spend some much needed time together without me checking my phone for emails or whatever the case might be! I mean it can get annoying when your phone is constantly going off and you’re trying to spend time with your partner, so I don’t think it’s a big deal for him but to me it is! 

What have I learned so far about this challenge.

That it’s not that bad, I mean you’re going to have your moments when you’re completely bored and want to log in but I think that’s just the beauty of self discipline and being able to acknowledge that there’s a problem that you’re willing to admit and fix. 

Why I choose commitment before marriage. 

You guys are probably wondering, what is my views on marriage and when is the perfect time for two people to get married! Well my answer to your question is whenever you feel like you’re ready, & fully committed to one another! It’s so easy to get married, but not having that foundation where it’s genuine love, friendship, happiness , commitment and support will have you ready to leave the marriage before it even starts! 

Reasons why I’m not married, YET! 

I’m not going to start this off with no I’m anti-marriage stuff, because I’m not! I truly believe marriage is beautiful and love when people who are in love gets married! Even though I’ve been dating for 8-9 years, but in a serious relationship with my partner for 5-6 years. I still feel as though I’m not fully ready to make that big decision just yet, but when that time does come it’s going to be everything and more! I also feel as though when you’re married there’s a lot of things you have to commit too, & if you’re not ready to do those things then you shouldn’t be married! That’s why I feel like it’s so important to date eachother for a while, build that friendship, be able to go through tough times, & simply be committed to one another! Plus it’s important when the feelings are mutual, & not one sided! I mean who wants to marry someone who constantly rushing them to marry them, you can’t make someone do something they’re not ready to do!  

Why I’m happy I had my children before marriage. 

A lot of people might be confused, especially people who live their life based on their religious reviews “which is totally fine” or generational expectations! I have never lived my life like that, & I’ll never live my life worrying about what “others” think of the way I choose to live my life, remember it’s my life! I just want to clarify my reasonings and don’t want younger girls to think well she did this and that, what I’m saying is live your life how you want to live it and do what works for you! But anywho…For me having a baby was a bigger commitment than marriage, I mean you can have a baby with a person after you’re married,  still get a divorce and move on with your life. I’m very conscious of the man I decided to have my children with, before I even had children our relationship was always pure, genuine and his actions always matched his words! I don’t feel less loved, like a family, like a woman and his queen because I’m not married! Society is so harsh and judge mental that it’ll make a strong woman, second guess her relationship just because she doesn’t have a ring or a piece of paper stating that her man loves her. 

So if you’re dating someone and don’t see yourself having children with them, then why are you even sleeping with them? Why would you want to be married to that person? Matter of fact, why are you even talking to them? That’s the real questions. I’m not a role model and I’m not encouraging women to do the things I feel works best for me, I just want to encourage you to live your life in your own truth and have a mind of your own!

So what’s the difference? 

I believe the difference with this is the fact that people feel like everything is so much better when you do everything the right way, but to me what is the right way? Marriage doesn’t justify or validate anything, especially when you’re with a person who still treats you like crap anyways! 🤔

Why I didn’t want to rush into getting married….

Sometimes women get so overwhelmed with the whole idea of rushing into a marriage, because of the things they see on social media, their friends, family or whatever the case might be for them. Once you jump into a marriage and you don’t fully have that full commitment from your partner or any type of emotional, physically and financial security, then hey you just set yourself up for failure! The things people say, & how social media portray marriage is ridiculous these days! They don’t care if the person you’re with cheated, stole and beat the living crap out of you, if y’all together then get married! I think that’s so crazy to me, & these are just things I honestly don’t feel like it’s right by any means! By the way, I’m not saying date someone for decades before you get married, do it however you want to do it. 

I do have my days….

I mean there are times where I’m like you know what, let’s just get married since everyone wants us to get married anyways. But if I did that, then I’ll be doing things because of what other people want me to do and not living my life for my own self. I don’t want to do anything to validate others, because whether we get married or not people are always going to have something to say regardless. Where we’re at now is beautiful, we’re still learning about one another, enjoying each others company, loving eachother unapologetically and etc.

Moral to the story:

Do whatever makes you happy, if you decide not to get married right away then that’s your decision! Never beat yourself up because of what other people might think of you, this is YOUR life, not theirs! ❤️

P.S these are my views and my opinion on what works for me! 

Knowing when to let go of toxic relationships. 

Have you ever had to question yourself and think about whether or not you should be involved with a person and their negative energy? Well here’s a few pointers on when to let certain situations, friendships and relationships go that serves you NO good!  

Motivation: 

Do the people you associate yourself with motivate you to be the best person you can be? If not, then you shouldn’t be surrounding yourself with those types of people! If you feel as though you can’t grow with the person you’re dating or a person you’re friends with, then it’s time to reevaluate your surrounds and let go! When it comes a point in your life where you feel as though you don’t have support from the people you’re always around, then it’s time to get rid of those people. 

Uninspired: 

Are you a person who wants nothing but the best for your partner or whoever you’re surrounding yourself with and you feel as though they’re not willing to want better for themselves? Let them go! If they’re not willing to change for themselves and become a better person, then that’s just someone you shouldn’t be surrounding yourself with! You have to realize when and who to invest your energy and time into, if you’re constantly having to tell someone what it is they should be doing and they keep making an excuse to change… Then yeah, it’s time to let it go! 

Knowing when you’re wasting your time.

If you’re constantly investing more time and feeling like you’re the only one trying to make your relationship or friendship work while the other person isn’t even trying to meet you half way.. Then it’s time to let go! You’re not weak or fake for letting go of things that doesn’t serve you any purpose, you have every right to grow and prosper in life. People who aren’t motivated and aren’t on the same level as you mentally and physically doesn’t need to be apart of your growth! How are you supposed to grow, when you have people in your life that’s only bringing you down? 

Negativity.

If a person only calls you with negativity and only when they want something, then it’s time to let that person go! Who wants to be around someone who only hits you up when its convenient for them, or when it’s about something that’s negative? NOBODY! If you feel as though this is becoming so annoying and you want to tell your friend or partner about themselves, don’t be afraid to do so! Sometimes people need to hear that they’re bringing unwanted drama into your life and you’re tired of it. If they care about you and your friendship, then they’ll respect what you’re saying if not, then oh well! 

Moral to the story: 

If people aren’t adding to your life, they’re simply subtracting from your life and this could be your happiness, joy and energy! Know when it’s time to simply let go and move forward! You will always see the same results with people who don’t see any issues in their actions! 

Staying true to myself and living my life on my own terms.

Question: What is the “right way” to live your life? You don’t know? Yeah me neither!

There’s nothing worser than a person who can’t truly be themselves, in a world full of judge mental people! It’s really sad how many times a person gets judged, talked about or feel like they’re lesser than someone else because of the way they choose to live their life. I think where the problems lie is when society and social media, has a certain imagine on how your life should be and what you should be doing because that’s just the way it “should” be.

I mean this life is totally yours, why wouldn’t you want to live it the way you want to live it? Why do we feel like if we’re not living life to certain standards, that we’re not qualified? Why can’t we enjoy our life, without the judgement of others? I guess the real question is why can’t I live my life, how I want to live it?

A few years ago, I decided to be unapologetically me and live my life without the cares of what “others” think. Staying true to myself, walking in my truth and living my life only in light is what makes me who I am and happy! I guess I just got to a point in my life where the bull crap couldn’t no longer exist, I was tired and emotionally drained! That’s what these types of things can do to a person, & that’s just something I didn’t want or need! It doesn’t matter if you’re doing good or bad, people is going to say whatever they feel they need to say about you regardless! So why should I stress about other people not liking or accepting my happiness? It’s MY happiness… Right?

I really had to reevaluate myself and change my perspective a lot! People will never understand your journey, & that’s okay! It’s yours, not theirs. I mean there are days where it’s like okay, I could be doing this and that but then again, I know God wants me to be exactly where I am at, in order for me to get to where I need to be and that’s totally fine with me!

Moral to the story:

Don’t ever limit yourself, reach higher and fully take advantage of every opportunity that you feel is best for you! Stop worrying about what other people think, & just DO it! You never know what’s out there until you get out of your comfort zone, & take chances!