Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Mileka

Life.

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1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media?

Hello, my name is Mileka, I am 25 years old and I was born/reside from a small town called West Point, MS. I am a one year graduate from the W (Mississippi University for Women) where I majored in Public Health Education. I chose this major because the major was so broad and it can be used for numerous and exciting opportunities( Health Educator, Epidemiologist, Health & Safety Engineer, Health Care Administrator, Health Informatics Specialist, etc.).

I’m recently working in a hospital where I submit data involving Trauma patients as well as traveling to Health Fairs to pass out helpful and useful information to families and schools. So far, I enjoy being a Trauma Registrar. It gives me the opportunity to use my creativity on decorating trifold boards for children about public safety, meet and network with amazing people who are doctors, nurses, trauma registrars in other states/counties, and community leaders.

I have a passion to help others and to help save someone else’s life without having to wear the white coat. My passion has always been to be this small town southern belle who can speak her knowledge about everyday life as well as using her voice to help people of different ethnicity & genders.

My social medias: Instagram:_dreamingherselffree_ Twitter: ASouthrnlyBelle

2. What was your childhood like? Were you introverted/and or extroverted?

I had a good childhood. Even when there are some things I witnessed or went through as a child, I can’t complain at all about it. I was an introverted child and to be honest I still am that way. I enjoy my own company sometimes and keep my circle very small.

As I grew up to being a young adult, I have experienced bad friendships and family members that I thought were supportive but instead were negative individuals. I love them forever and always but I love those people from a distance. I use to allow that to interfere with my growth as becoming a young mature woman. I then realized that those people were interfering with my positive vibes and I just had to cut the cords.

 

3. At what age did you begin to struggle with confidence? Explain what transpired during that time period?

The age I started struggling with my confidence when I was about 15 going on 16 years old. My dad was in and out of my life when I was younger. I honestly think that was because he didn’t know how to be a father; he just knew how to make them. I had an immediate family full of loving and caring women that showed me all the love a child could ever ask for. The one thing I was missing was my dad’s love. Ever girl/woman has a dream of being like those girls on the movie, “Daddy’s Little Girls”. It’s a different kind of love that’s different from your mother’s love.

It was hard having to witness him come in and out of my life the way that he did. My mother, who was a young parent, didn’t know how to talk to me about how to deal with these emotions that I had inside because she was only doing what she knew how to do and that was just being the best mother that she could be and showing her motherly love. My dad had been doing this before my teenage years; it was those specific years that hit me because I would see other girls that I went to school with out and about with their dads.

The same girls would talk about the things their dads use to discuss with them about how boys only want one thing from you which also led to them saying how their dad would tell them all the time to not let any boy fool you when he says he loves you. They also would mention the only man I will ever love until I’m married is my dad. It was hard for me not allowing that “I love you!’ statement to get in my head by some nappy head little boy. I will admit I struggled with that for a while during my teenage years but then when I started learning for myself and listening to my older cousins talk about guys, I then learned that these boys don’t mean me any good.

I had to learn a lot of things like that on my own and I must say I have done a very good job on teaching myself numerous things about life in general as a teenager. As long as God continues to keep me on this earth, I will continue to learn about life period.

4. Did this have a negative effect on your relationship with yourself and others?

This did have negative effect with me and others. It was a negative effect on me because I personally felt like I was lost and didn’t have anywhere or anyone to turn to. It was a negative effect on my relationship with my dad as well as the choice of guys I dated. Not saying that I was doing off the wall things but I was quick to tell a boy, “I Love You” or quick to have feelings for him. My mom was a strict parent so I didn’t go out to dance until I my junior and senior year of high school. She barely allowed me to do that which I’m glad she did it now that I have gotten older.

5. What was the most challenging time period in your life?

The most challenging time period in my life is now as a young adult because now you know or have an idea of what you want out of life such as your education, choice of men, marriage, children, and having a drama free relationship with yourself as well as others.

6. Did you ever feel as though you were spiraling out of control? If so, at what age did you begin to lose self-control?

The good news is no I have never felt as if I was spiraling out of control.

7. Did you ever seek professional help? If so, what was that like?

The situation with my dad I thought It would be best to seek professional help but the more I thought about it; the more I realized he doesn’t know how to be a father and all you can do is pray for him and yourself. He loves me there’s no doubt in my mind about that. It’s more like I wish he could’ve shown it more when I needed it the most. There is always time to make things better.  It could really be worse.

8. Do you have anyone in your corner? Who are your biggest supporters?

Yes I do.

My biggest supporters are my grandmother, mother, fiancé, aunt, and cousin.

9. Do you believe social media has a positive or negative impact on the way you view confidence from within?

A negative impact, one of the things I notice is every time I see an Instagram model on my timeline with a flat stomach with a big bottom. I’ll look in the mirror and think all I need to do is some ab workouts and I’ll have this tummy toned up in no time. LIES SIS!. Seriously, I love my body and my man does to and when I have a child in the future I’m still going to love me and respect my body more because I nurtured and delivered a human being into this world.

10. What was the hardest thing you had to embrace when it came to YOUR truth?

I had to embrace that I’m far from perfect I had to make a lot of mistakes in my past to be who I am today and to make better decisions for myself as a beautiful young woman.

11. What are something’s that’s holding you back from being confident in your truth?

It use to be just accepting the truth and knowing that everyone has flaws. Now, I own it and grow and glow from it.

12. What steps do you need to take to show up for yourself?

  1. Put God first.
  2. Accepting who you are and your past.
  3.  Learn from your past and use it as inspiration.
  4. Not letting anyone discourage you or make your feel bad about your past.
  5. Grow and glow sis!

13. How are you going to cultivate confidence/wholeness this year and moving forward?

Not dwell on the past so much. Use that past as motivation to be a better person every day you wake up. Every day is a new day that you can make a difference in your life and someone else’s.

14. What lessons have you learned? What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with cultivating confidence and their truth?

I’ve learned that everyone is not meant to be in your life and no one can judge me but God. I also don’t have a right to judge others either. We are all flawed in our own way.

The advice I would give to someone else is to spend more time around others who mean you well and love you for who you are as a person and not who they want you to be. If you have to delete some people out of your life that doesn’t mean you any good then you have every right to do so because the last thing you want is bad vibes in your circle. Talk to their loved ones about how they feel mentally, spiritually, and emotionally about everything they are going through.

Also, don’t let social media distract you from thinking that just because this person is posting pictures up daily of them smiling and posing doesn’t always mean they’re happy. Lastly, I would tell them I love you and you are beautiful and don’t let anyone else tell you different.

15. If you had to tell anything to that little girl you used to be, what would that be? & also tell her what type of woman are you today?

I would tell the little girl I used to be is, “little beautiful child just know that it wasn’t your fault that your dad was absent in your life. He loves you so very much it’s just that he has a hard time showing it. There is always time to make things so much better with father and daughter relationship. Out of all the things you went through as a child, you still managed to become someone and accomplish some of your goals as a young adult. There were negative people who wished negativity in your path but you proved so many wrong.

There were people who knew you were going to be somebody and still to this day are cheering you on. You know the negative people were louder than the positive crowd. You beat the odds when it came to numerous things so far and for that you should be so very proud. Every obstacle you have faced as a child is starting to pay off because you NEVER had a bone in your body to tell you to quit or settle. You want to know why God allowed you to blossom quicker than others? It’s because he knew that you were and still is A VERY WISE GAL with an old folks soul.

 

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