Finding joy through the pain.


Hello beautiful souls,

Nicholle Kobi

(Artwork: Nicholle Kobi)

Today I just wanted to come on here, and shed some love + light. I hope you all are having an amazing + joyful week, and just overall staying thankful + positive. I know with this new month, you have a million and one things you want to get accomplished this month. I have so many amazing things projects I’m working on, and I can’t wait for you all to finally see the new look for Unashamed Queens. It’s been a long busy + productive summer, working with an amazing creative who I respect + admire, and the this new illustration she created for me is beyond beautiful.

Moving forward.

(Artwork: Nicholle Kobi).

Today I caught myself reflecting on this past year, and all of the amazing things God is doing in my life, and I couldn’t help but to be appreciative of his grace. Often times we find ourselves focusing on the things that brings us so much pain, and not realizing that pain is temporary. I remember being the type of person that was comfortable with being stagnant, and allowed all of the pain I have endured in life to hinder me from receiving God’s love + grace. I was so used to pointing the finger, and placing blame on others for my lack of self-love.

It wasn’t until I had to genuinely forgive myself, and allow myself to go through the process of self-love. It wasn’t easy at first, there was days where I felt like giving up, and just saying fuckkkk it! But I hated the way pain felt, and just knowing that living in darkness just wasn’t an option for me anymore. I was so tired of feeling broken + unhappy, that I decided to change my perspective. I wouldn’t say I’m numb to pain, because we’re all human, and we’re all going to experience some type of pain in our lives, whether we want too, or not.

For me I knew I didn’t want to live my life not being able to forgive, and just simply holding grudges toward people who have wronged me. I remember reading this quote, and it specifically said “sometimes you have to accept an apology you never got”, and that right there spoke so many volumes in my life because we will literally drown ourselves in pain, knowing these people will never tell us their sorry for the pain they’ve caused us. I’ve also realized that you have to also forgive yourself, and be open to joy. We don’t understand that all of this stems from within, and if you want to be happy, you can’t expect for others to bring you something that should already come from the inside.


(Artwork: Nicholle Kobi).

I began to pray more, and re-build my relationship with God. I also started to get rid of things + people that didn’t serve my spirit in a positive light. If I wanted to be my higher-self, I had to let go of things that didn’t bring me joy + peace. I also had to be mindful that if I continued to live my life the way I was living it, I wasn’t going to end up being the woman God called me to be. When I thought about that, I knew I needed to change my thought process, and be emotionally-freed from toxic bondage.

I think when some people think about forgiveness, they think of it as being a sign of weakness, but it’s really a sign of growth. The joy you begin to feel after you’ve forgiving yourself, and the people that have wrong you is such an amazing + overwhelming feeling. If I had to think about where I was, and who I used to be 3-4 years ago, I could honestly say that the woman I was then was broken and unhappy. She didn’t know the things she knows today, and that’s why growth is such a beautiful thing.

I just thank God each and everyday for giving me a heart that’s filled with forgiveness + joy now. I’m not going to say that there isn’t days where I think about the past, because I am human, and I have my days of weakness, and being vulnerable! I feels good to not have any type of bitterness or malice in your heart anymore. This newfound joy feels good, and I’m embracing it with open arms.


I want to encourage you all that it’s okay to feel weak + vulnerable(sometimes), but it’s not okay to not be okay! I want you all to surround yourself around people who genuinely love + care about your well-being, and people who encourages you to be your higher-self everyday! When you’re always the one encouraging others, but don’t feel as though you can’t go to anyone for encouragement, then that’s a problem, and I want you all to re-evaluate the people you have in your life. People who love + care about you, will never want to see you suffer, they’ll want to see you succeed! I just want you all to be mindful of miserable-comforters, and to be able to distinguish the difference between people who want to see you suffer rather than succeed.





8 thoughts on “Finding joy through the pain.

  1. I love reading about your growth T. I am so proud of you and it’s beautiful to see the women in my tribe mending those open wounds and opening their souls for the world to not only see but relate and take wisdom from it. I don’t think you truly understand how inspiring you really are, but that’s okay- it makes your spirit even more divine. Continue to uplift the many Queens in the world boo.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this! It was much needed. This past summer has been a rough one and that was due to the fact that I put all my focus on those who hurt me. Forgiving people even when they aren’t mature enough to apologize is the hardest thing to do but, so beneficial. Just knowing that you can move on & enjoy your life with the ones in it who love you the most is a great feeling!

    Great post sis!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is so true! There’s so much beauty in forgiveness, it’s not easy, but the peace of mind you experience afterwards is so worth it! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing!! You’re always dropping gems on all of your posts.

    Growth looks good on you boo! When a woman allows God to create a space in her heart to love, forgive and grow in a place of pain, disappointment, setbacks..etc, your bounce back is far greater than the fall!

    And baby, you are flourishing, growing, and impacting the women around you. Love you, T!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Huge struggle finding joy in this season of my life. My story may be the flip side, I was the one who caused pain and betrayal. The guilt, regret and shame have been extremely heavy to carry. My attempt at any type of apology, were denied. Been hard to move past it all. Your thoughts give me hope. Thank you for your kind and inspirational words.

    Liked by 1 person

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