(Photo is by Nicholle Kobi).
We’re only 10 days into the month of July, there’s been so much love + joy and even chaos in my life these past few months. But overall life is so joyful, and those bad days doesn’t last forever! If you don’t know, July is my favorite month of the year, and it’s also my birthday month. I don’t really have any plans, because I hate planning + preparing for things! I just like when things flow naturally, and smoothly without having too many expectations and being let down by people who never come through.
Over this past weekend I was able to celebrate the life of my son who just turned two years old, spend time with my family, and also catch up with my best-friend. It felt really good to be surrounded by love, genuine love! It also felt good to finally be able to spend a weekend without thinking about work, and business. If you truly know me, you know that I am a workaholic, and I will not do anything until my work is completely finished. My mind is always on the go, and I can never shut my brain off with all of these amazing ideas God keeps placing onto my spirit.
I love + appreciate my work ethic, and how I manage to balance everything I have going on in my life, whether it’s good or bad. But don’t get it twisted, there are days where I just want to get a break from everything + everyone, while I focus completely on myself, and nothing else. I remember thinking it was so selfish of me wanting to focus on myself, knowing I have my own little family, immediate + extended family, and friends. So I would pretty much shrug off the idea of taking care of myself, since I’m a natural born nurturer. Which is definitely a blessing, and sometimes a curse because I love making sure the people I love is good, but I have to make sure I am good as well. But now I know that it’s so important + apart of self-care that I take care of myself, and recharge! Life can become a little overwhelming, and you need to be mindful that your mental-health + well-being matters and it should be a priority in your life! I’m just so grateful that I have a partner that understands my need for being alone at times, without him feeling neglected. I just love how he’s very understanding + respectful of my wishes, which makes me appreciate him ten times more.
(Photo is from Nicholle Kobi)
Let’s rewind back to last week…
A few days ago I caught myself having a mini breakdown, because I was feeling extremely burnt out from work and being overwhelmed with life’s chaos. Work has been filled with joy because I have some amazing co-workers who I have built amazing relationships with, and then there are days where I just don’t want to be here at all. I don’t feel fulfilled anymore, and that’s simply because my passion lies elsewhere. Life’s chaos has been my apartment complex, and their extremely rude + unprofessional staff and a crazy ass next door neighbor. Let me mind you, we’ve only been living in our apartment since 6/1, and I’m already ready to move out. Don’t get me wrong, the place is absolutely beautiful but it’s definitely not worth the bullshit they put you through. The management there is the absolute worse, but the good thing about all of this is we’re moving to another unit from this creepy neighbor of ours.
I literally had to take a whole day, and dedicate it to myself without any distractions, and just recharge because the way I was feeling, I know for a fact God wouldn’t of been happy. I’m just so glad that when I was going through my season of exposure last year, I was able to truly learn self-discipline + control, because I was on the verge of going completely off, and just being like you know what, it is what it is, IDGAF. The old me would’ve been like I don’t have time for this shit, i’ll go somewhere else and end up in the SAME exact position, but somewhere else! But the woman I am today just uses those examples as life lessons to push myself even harder, so I can get myself to where I need/want to be.
June has taught me so much about myself, patience, and why settling will never be an option for me. I remember being stuck in places, and situations that didn’t fulfill me and would be soooo miserable because I knew I deserved God’s best. So I prayed about a few things last week, and God gave me exactly what I needed. I decided to let go of the things I had absolutely no control over, and focused on the things I do have control over, and that’s joy + peace. Today I received an amazing email that made me smile soooo big on the inside + out, and I knew that was God answering my prayers for guidance. Let’s just say, when you think he isn’t working, he’s working over-time and you should never doubt him coming through for you, especially with something that’s BETTER than life!