Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth|Stacey

Life.

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1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media?

Hello beautiful people!!

My name is Stacey.

I’m a writer + lifestyle blogger from Beautiful & Bold(my baby).

At times I can become shy but, I’m mostly goofy & super loving to others because I believe there’s good in people.

I’m from Sunshine state Fl.

Where there’s no such thing as winter nor fall(blah).

Social media handles:

Instagram and Twitter @beautiandbold

Website: beautifulndbold.com(at the moment it’s under construction)

Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/dDfhrf

2. What was your childhood like? Were you introverted/and or extroverted? 

My childhood was interesting with strict parents. I love my parents but, my parents did not play at all, it was all about school, church and going straight home from school lol. My parents didn’t believe in sit down and let’s have a talk or any type of encouragement. So, imagine being a child holding in so much emotions.

As an only child, I was spoiled with material things but, behind all of that I was unknown of a lot of things that lead me into deep depression and anxiety. During my childhood being around people distracts me from my own problems but, I didn’t know if I could of been myself around people. Mostly, I liked to be alone. So, as a child I was introverted.

3. At what age did you begin to struggle with confidence? Explain what transpired during that time period?

At age 9, I begin to struggle with my confidence with myself because puberty had kicked in and the fact I had to transition from no glasses to a “four eye” girl and being teased about wearing glasses really had an affected on myself because I couldn’t love myself. My confidence began to change when I started slowly picked out what I love about myself.

4. Did this have a negative effect on your relationship with yourself and others?

Most definitely.

Although, I’m a sweet person, respect everyone but, I didn’t know who I was back then. Pretended to be happy all the time it drained me deeply, which didn’t build any healthy relationships with anyone, including myself… Couldn’t tell the difference of who loved me or not because I didn’t even understand love for myself.

5. What was the most challenging time period in your life? 

The most challenging time period in my life has to be my early twenties. I could of said my teenage years but, twenties top it off the most. the loss of my grandmother and the time I almost killed myself. There’s been plenty of suicide thoughts during my teenage years but, there’s been tons of attempt of suicide in my twenties. Depression is real but, it doesn’t define who I am

6. Did you ever feel as though you were spiraling out of control? If so, at what age did you begin to lose self-control?

Sometimes, emotions can get the worse out of us. It could be overthinking, fears, anxiety, doubts. It’s like you never know what could happen next. You try to stay calm but, once things keeps stacking up you can’t help but, to lose control. There was a time I had a lot to hold in and the more I hold in, felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore.

I was raised “whatever happens in this house stays in this house” and it’s bad pressure to have on a child. At age 10 was the first time I wanted to end my life because of something that has happened to me as child. Fast forward to now, I learned pretended to be happy hurts more than dealing with the pain

7. Did you ever seek professional help? If so, what was that like?

I would love to seek professional help but, I truly have trust issues. It’s hard to find the right person to talk to you. Which is what writing has done for me. Writing is my therapy. Whenever I’m feeling low , I can count on writing because I feel like I’m not fully here anymore and writing can take me to another place(sounds weird but, saved me a lot).

8. Do you have anyone in your corner? Who are your biggest supporters?

I met incredible people who really made a difference in my life like my blogging sisters( I love you Melissa, Tam & T) but, my grandma was my number 1. No matter how imperfect I was, she still believe that I can do anything in life. She gave me my first journal at age 8, she wanted me to write down anything I was feeling.

Then there’s my baby sister – who motivates me every morning to keep going and pushes me to try harder, my two bestest friends who I call my sisters and can’t forget my buddy bud who’s my personal tech guy.

9. Do you believe social media has a positive or negative impact on the way you view confidence from within?

Social media has a positive impact because there’s love and positivity but, it all depends on who you follow plus knowing who you are and if your brand represents positivity then social media can become positive for you because you meet incredible people plus there’s new opportunities to create through social media.

I understand why people would say social media can have an negative impact but, I feel like social media can become helpful cause there’s times you’re not alone and there’s laughter from those funny videos , there’s discussion to debate about in a respectful way and there’s genuine support from others.

10. What was the hardest thing you had to embrace when it came to YOUR truth?

The hardest thing I had to embrace is my self love and self compassion.

I never thought of myself as I needed too because I tend to think of others more than I think of myself.

My truth is I Am Enough.

No matter what anyone has said to me, I Am Enough and I Am Loved.

11. What are something’s that’s holding you back from being confident in your truth?

Before, I would of blamed family for holding me back because I felt I wasn’t up to their expectations but, fast forward to today, nothing is holding me back because I realized I hold myself back from  being my best self.

12. What steps do you need to take to show up for yourself?

he steps I need to take to show up for myself is telling myself “I CAN DO THIS” “ I CAN DO IT.” And Say yes to myself more often

13. How are you going to cultivate confidence/wholeness this year and moving forward?

Every morning I say a prayer then I get up, look myself in the mirror and give myself a pep talk(sounds crazy) but, it truly helps to get through a day.

You have to give yourself a pep talk to build up that confidence.

14. What lessons have you learned? What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with cultivating confidence and their truth?

I’ve learned that nothing is ever perfect and I’m not a disappointment because I don’t live a life like others. So, my advice to those who feels like they’re not good enough to love themselves would have to be stop thinking you’re unable to love yourself. You are enough to be loved. There’s something special about everyone, only you know what that is.

15. If you had to tell anything to that little girl you used to be, what would that be? & also tell her what type of woman are you today?

I would tell her don’t listen to those who “think” they know who you are, you may not like how you look but, you have beautiful eyes and those glasses makes you even more gorgeous.

Today, you’re a woman filled with so much love and big dreams but, you still have so much to learn. You will manifest your dreams because it all starts with you.

Some may say you’re a disappointment but, to yourself you are someone incredible. Your self love journey wasn’t easy but, it has been a journey worth dealing with…

I love you.

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Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth|Freda

Life.

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1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media?

I’m Freda, a trainee Psychotherapist based in a London and I’m also a personal development blogger.

You can find me on twitter: @Thefredalee & on Insta: & Fredaaaxo

2. What was your childhood like? Were you introverted/and or extroverted? 

I was an introverted child, in fact I was quite shy and would often hide behind my parents.

3. At what age did you begin to struggle with confidence? Explain what transpired during that time period?

I think confidence issues started in childhood, I was also bullied during primary school and also in secondary school. If I stood up for myself I would get shut down.

4. Did this have a negative effect on your relationship with yourself and others?

I started to dislike myself because I lacked confidence, and as result I would withdraw often.

5. What was the most challenging time period in your life? 

During my time in sixth form I was quite lonely and didn’t have much friends. In fact I became quite sucidal during those times but I never spoke up about it.

6. Did you ever feel as though you were spiraling out of control? If so, at what age did you begin to lose self-control?

During my time in sixth form, so around 16.

7. Did you ever seek professional help? If so, what was that like?

I only seeked helped during my second year of university, it was CBT and I found that I just became more avoidant as I was never getting to the root issue.

8. Do you have anyone in your corner? Who are your biggest supporters?

My best friends and my therapist and God !

9. Do you believe social media has a positive or negative impact on the way you view confidence from within?

At times it can have a negative impact of my confidence, so I try my hardest to not fall into the comparison trap.

10. What was the hardest thing you had to embrace when it came to YOUR truth?

I think I’m still in the process of embracing my truth.

11. What are something’s that’s holding you back from being confident in your truth?

Caring about what others think of me.

12. What steps do you need to take to show up for yourself?

Self care and self love !

13. How are you going to cultivate confidence/wholeness this year and moving forward?

Showing myself compassion.

14. What lessons have you learned? What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with cultivating confidence and their truth?

Take it easy, it does take time and be compassionate to yourself.

15. If you had to tell anything to that little girl you used to be, what would that be? & also tell her what type of woman are you today?

You are a Queen, and never forget that. You are loved in more ways that you’ll ever know, and I’m sorry that you’ve endured emotional suffering and pain. Today I am woman who is in the process of growing, healing, and thriving.

Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth|AAliyah Choi

Life.

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1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media?

My name is AAliyah Choi, 23 years old.

I live in Virginia.  

I am a mom of one.

I am married.

I am a PCOS advocate.

Facebook:  MyJourneyPCOS

Instagram:  ThatCysterGirl Blog

2. What was your childhood like? Were you introverted/and or extroverted?

I was introverted early in my childhood because I was not around kids of my age.  At elementary school, I became more extroverted as I spent more time with lots of kids that were in my age.  

3. At what age did you begin to struggle with confidence? Explain what transpired during that time period?

I struggled with confidence since I was around 7 years old.  Low self-esteem, being bullied, and being in an abusive environment-especially verbally, sexually, and physically at home-were contributing factors to my struggle with confidence.  

4. Did this have a negative effect on your relationship with yourself and others?

Yes; It caused me to have guard up constantly, locked inside my head, which made me reserved and unable to make/trust friends.  I was scared if people would do me wrong once trusted.

5. What was the most challenging time period in your life?

Teen years.  

I was in a severe stage of puberty.  Lots of confusion and loneliness

6. Did you ever feel as though you were spiraling out of control? If so, at what age did you begin to lose self-control?

Yes; I began to lose control when i was around 16 years old.

7. Did you ever seek professional help? If so, what was that like?

No; I did not reach out for help during my pregnancy with my daughter.  I was scared because of the idea of letting somebody who does not know me to get inside of my head.

8. Do you have anyone in your corner? Who are your biggest supporters?

Yes;  My biggest supporter is my husband and our daughter and most importantly GOD.

9. Do you believe social media has a positive or negative impact on the way you view confidence from within?

Yes; it is mix of positive and negative.  In this day and age, there is a battle between natural and artificial beauty.

10. What was the hardest thing you had to embrace when it came to YOUR truth?

My Body; I spent so time being negative, neglecting my body.  I now live in consequences of that negligence, such as stretch marks, medical issues, and inconceivability.

11. What are something’s that’s holding you back from being confident in your truth?

My Mind; My mind is my biggest critic.

12. What steps do you need to take to show up for yourself?

Taking a me-time, writing self-love notes.

13. How are you going to cultivate confidence/wholeness this year and moving forward?

Stepping out of my comfort zone, embracing my natural beauty, no make-up, taking a holistic approach in self care.

14. What lessons have you learned? What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with cultivating confidence and their truth?

You cannot please anyone.

Don’t cheat yourself out of greatness by running away from your true-self and trying to live for others.

15. If you had to tell anything to that little girl you used to be, what would that be? & also tell her what type of woman are you today?

You are stronger than you think you are.

After years of perseverance and determination,  I became the beautiful butterfly I was always seeking to be.   

What You Already Know But Forgot About Branding | Sharda

Life.

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“What You Already Know But Forgot About Branding”

October 11, 2018

By: Sharda, Creative Author & Artist

Instagram: @CharactersHere

Twitter: @CharactersHere

Branding is a process of marking, burning or stamping an image or word(s) in a person’s mind.

Branding is happening all over social media, and that’s the best place to learn how to do it.

Years ago, in my advertising class, my professor spoke about building a brand. At that time, Twitter was more popular than Facebook, and Instagram didn’t exist. So, when my professor spoke on branding, it was something that only big marketing and advertising companies did. This was also around the time when I was heavily watching YouTube Personalities that did natural hair, vlogs, and makeup. I didn’t recognize it then, but those YouTubers were branding. From their YouTube names to their musical intros, I could tell whose video I was watching without seeing their face. Today, we have Instagram, Facebook, and everything in between. We definitely recognize branding, because it’s on our phones all day long, and we don’t have to have a big marketing and advertising company do all the fun work.

Here’s a short list of things about branding that you already know, but probably forgot.

  1. Branding is Easy.

All you have to have is an idea and run with it. It is best if you’re doing something you’re really passionate about, because when it seems like you’ll never make it, your passion will say, “Girl, what you doing? Don’t give up. We got this!”

  1. Branding is Affordable.

I’m the first to say that I’ve spent a lot of money trying to market my brand and the results were not attractive. It was when I didn’t put a lot of my own money into my brand that I got more follows, shares, likes, and comments from faithful, genuine people.

  1. Branding takes a Team.

You cannot do it alone. None of us can. Having a team doesn’t necessarily mean hiring people left and right, but if you can afford it, make it do what it do. There are so many brands that collaborate with each other. I’ve learned that asking for help always does the trick. No one can help you if you don’t ask for it.

 

If you haven’t added it all up, I’ve created a cute acronym for you. When you are branding, you have to E.A.T. You have to make it EASY on yourself, because you’re not going into this knowing everything you need to know or do. You learn as you go. You will not be broke, because your brand is taking you to your future, and your future is prosperous. The money will come. So make this process affordable by asking for volunteers, sponsors, collaborating, etc. You will be surprised at how many people will volunteer to help you; especially, when they hear your story, speak with you, and feel a connection. That’s how you get your Team. If I didn’t learn anything with my Advertising degree, but this one thing, it’s that word-of-mouth is still the best form of advertising and it’s free.

 

TIP: It always helps to get inspiration, motivation, and information from similar brands to help you along your journey. Here’s how: go to your favorite social media platform and look up three brands that are similar to your brand. Find (1) the most interactive, (2) the one you like the most, and (3) the least interactive. You’re looking for key information such as what is being posted and how it looks, are people liking and sharing the content, and are they commenting, is the brand a face or a product/service or both, etc. Once you have collected data, you are not to copy and paste or compare. Your brand is your brand. If Walmart and Target can both exist selling groceries, clothes, electronics, and more, then you and that similar brand can, too.

 

I hope this blog post has helped you. Please use it, share it and leave a comment.

 

Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Mileka

Life.

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1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media?

Hello, my name is Mileka, I am 25 years old and I was born/reside from a small town called West Point, MS. I am a one year graduate from the W (Mississippi University for Women) where I majored in Public Health Education. I chose this major because the major was so broad and it can be used for numerous and exciting opportunities( Health Educator, Epidemiologist, Health & Safety Engineer, Health Care Administrator, Health Informatics Specialist, etc.).

I’m recently working in a hospital where I submit data involving Trauma patients as well as traveling to Health Fairs to pass out helpful and useful information to families and schools. So far, I enjoy being a Trauma Registrar. It gives me the opportunity to use my creativity on decorating trifold boards for children about public safety, meet and network with amazing people who are doctors, nurses, trauma registrars in other states/counties, and community leaders.

I have a passion to help others and to help save someone else’s life without having to wear the white coat. My passion has always been to be this small town southern belle who can speak her knowledge about everyday life as well as using her voice to help people of different ethnicity & genders.

My social medias: Instagram:_dreamingherselffree_ Twitter: ASouthrnlyBelle

2. What was your childhood like? Were you introverted/and or extroverted?

I had a good childhood. Even when there are some things I witnessed or went through as a child, I can’t complain at all about it. I was an introverted child and to be honest I still am that way. I enjoy my own company sometimes and keep my circle very small.

As I grew up to being a young adult, I have experienced bad friendships and family members that I thought were supportive but instead were negative individuals. I love them forever and always but I love those people from a distance. I use to allow that to interfere with my growth as becoming a young mature woman. I then realized that those people were interfering with my positive vibes and I just had to cut the cords.

 

3. At what age did you begin to struggle with confidence? Explain what transpired during that time period?

The age I started struggling with my confidence when I was about 15 going on 16 years old. My dad was in and out of my life when I was younger. I honestly think that was because he didn’t know how to be a father; he just knew how to make them. I had an immediate family full of loving and caring women that showed me all the love a child could ever ask for. The one thing I was missing was my dad’s love. Ever girl/woman has a dream of being like those girls on the movie, “Daddy’s Little Girls”. It’s a different kind of love that’s different from your mother’s love.

It was hard having to witness him come in and out of my life the way that he did. My mother, who was a young parent, didn’t know how to talk to me about how to deal with these emotions that I had inside because she was only doing what she knew how to do and that was just being the best mother that she could be and showing her motherly love. My dad had been doing this before my teenage years; it was those specific years that hit me because I would see other girls that I went to school with out and about with their dads.

The same girls would talk about the things their dads use to discuss with them about how boys only want one thing from you which also led to them saying how their dad would tell them all the time to not let any boy fool you when he says he loves you. They also would mention the only man I will ever love until I’m married is my dad. It was hard for me not allowing that “I love you!’ statement to get in my head by some nappy head little boy. I will admit I struggled with that for a while during my teenage years but then when I started learning for myself and listening to my older cousins talk about guys, I then learned that these boys don’t mean me any good.

I had to learn a lot of things like that on my own and I must say I have done a very good job on teaching myself numerous things about life in general as a teenager. As long as God continues to keep me on this earth, I will continue to learn about life period.

4. Did this have a negative effect on your relationship with yourself and others?

This did have negative effect with me and others. It was a negative effect on me because I personally felt like I was lost and didn’t have anywhere or anyone to turn to. It was a negative effect on my relationship with my dad as well as the choice of guys I dated. Not saying that I was doing off the wall things but I was quick to tell a boy, “I Love You” or quick to have feelings for him. My mom was a strict parent so I didn’t go out to dance until I my junior and senior year of high school. She barely allowed me to do that which I’m glad she did it now that I have gotten older.

5. What was the most challenging time period in your life?

The most challenging time period in my life is now as a young adult because now you know or have an idea of what you want out of life such as your education, choice of men, marriage, children, and having a drama free relationship with yourself as well as others.

6. Did you ever feel as though you were spiraling out of control? If so, at what age did you begin to lose self-control?

The good news is no I have never felt as if I was spiraling out of control.

7. Did you ever seek professional help? If so, what was that like?

The situation with my dad I thought It would be best to seek professional help but the more I thought about it; the more I realized he doesn’t know how to be a father and all you can do is pray for him and yourself. He loves me there’s no doubt in my mind about that. It’s more like I wish he could’ve shown it more when I needed it the most. There is always time to make things better.  It could really be worse.

8. Do you have anyone in your corner? Who are your biggest supporters?

Yes I do.

My biggest supporters are my grandmother, mother, fiancé, aunt, and cousin.

9. Do you believe social media has a positive or negative impact on the way you view confidence from within?

A negative impact, one of the things I notice is every time I see an Instagram model on my timeline with a flat stomach with a big bottom. I’ll look in the mirror and think all I need to do is some ab workouts and I’ll have this tummy toned up in no time. LIES SIS!. Seriously, I love my body and my man does to and when I have a child in the future I’m still going to love me and respect my body more because I nurtured and delivered a human being into this world.

10. What was the hardest thing you had to embrace when it came to YOUR truth?

I had to embrace that I’m far from perfect I had to make a lot of mistakes in my past to be who I am today and to make better decisions for myself as a beautiful young woman.

11. What are something’s that’s holding you back from being confident in your truth?

It use to be just accepting the truth and knowing that everyone has flaws. Now, I own it and grow and glow from it.

12. What steps do you need to take to show up for yourself?

  1. Put God first.
  2. Accepting who you are and your past.
  3.  Learn from your past and use it as inspiration.
  4. Not letting anyone discourage you or make your feel bad about your past.
  5. Grow and glow sis!

13. How are you going to cultivate confidence/wholeness this year and moving forward?

Not dwell on the past so much. Use that past as motivation to be a better person every day you wake up. Every day is a new day that you can make a difference in your life and someone else’s.

14. What lessons have you learned? What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with cultivating confidence and their truth?

I’ve learned that everyone is not meant to be in your life and no one can judge me but God. I also don’t have a right to judge others either. We are all flawed in our own way.

The advice I would give to someone else is to spend more time around others who mean you well and love you for who you are as a person and not who they want you to be. If you have to delete some people out of your life that doesn’t mean you any good then you have every right to do so because the last thing you want is bad vibes in your circle. Talk to their loved ones about how they feel mentally, spiritually, and emotionally about everything they are going through.

Also, don’t let social media distract you from thinking that just because this person is posting pictures up daily of them smiling and posing doesn’t always mean they’re happy. Lastly, I would tell them I love you and you are beautiful and don’t let anyone else tell you different.

15. If you had to tell anything to that little girl you used to be, what would that be? & also tell her what type of woman are you today?

I would tell the little girl I used to be is, “little beautiful child just know that it wasn’t your fault that your dad was absent in your life. He loves you so very much it’s just that he has a hard time showing it. There is always time to make things so much better with father and daughter relationship. Out of all the things you went through as a child, you still managed to become someone and accomplish some of your goals as a young adult. There were negative people who wished negativity in your path but you proved so many wrong.

There were people who knew you were going to be somebody and still to this day are cheering you on. You know the negative people were louder than the positive crowd. You beat the odds when it came to numerous things so far and for that you should be so very proud. Every obstacle you have faced as a child is starting to pay off because you NEVER had a bone in your body to tell you to quit or settle. You want to know why God allowed you to blossom quicker than others? It’s because he knew that you were and still is A VERY WISE GAL with an old folks soul.

 

Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Motty

Life.

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media?

Hey! I’m Motunde ; Motty for short! I’m originally from Nigeria but reside in the UK. I’m a senior year Law student as well as a Blogger (www.mottyinspires.com)  & Freelancer. I love to travel and meet new people! I also love making meaningful connections with people and encouraging them to be the best person they can be. I do this through my blog content as well as in person! I’m that friend who’s always saying ‘Girl, you can do it, you’ve got this!’

2. What was your childhood like? Were you introverted/and or extroverted?

Omg! My childhood was interesting! If I’m being honest, it wasn’t the most amazing time of my life! I was super insecure and super introverted! I had an inferiority complex and suffered from low self esteem. Nonetheless, I grew up in a loving home and I was fortunate to be able to live a comfortable lifestyle however I had a lot of work to do on the inside. Although, I’m still introverted today, I’ve surely come a long way!

3. At what age did you begin to struggle with confidence? Explain what transpired during that time period?

I struggled with confidence throughout my childhood up until my teenage years. I’m also very shy so I struggled a lot in high school. I wasn’t your typical carefree child. I was so self-conscious, a people pleaser and it really stopped me from living my best life. It also affected my friendships, I longed to have a best friend- someone I could confide in & tell all my secrets! I didn’t find that person and along my journey, I learned a lot about people ; learning not to rely on others but focus on loving me and trust that the right people will come at the right time.

4. Did this have a negative effect on your relationship with yourself and others?

Like I mentioned, it affected my relationship with others. I couldn’t open up. I wanted to be vulnerable and be myself but I found it difficult to open up to people even my lovely family. I found it difficult to trust people. I was afraid of being judged, getting hurt and betrayed. So I stayed in my shell really … up until my late teens when I rediscovered myself.

5. What was the most challenging time period in your life?

I would say throughout primary school into my first few years of high school. I had no confidence at all. I couldn’t ask questions in class, I HATED doing presentations and having to stand up and speak. Funny enough, I joined the after school public speaking activities and every time it was  my turn to present, I would use the excuse of ‘oh, can i use the restroom.’ I still don’t know why I joined the class when I had serious stage fright but looking back now, I’m extremely grateful as I learned so much!!!

6. Did you ever feel as though you were spiraling out of control? If so, at what age did you begin to lose self-control?

To be honest, I was never really in control. I let other people control me. I couldn’t be myself. I couldn’t live my life on my terms. I was so people conscious, it was crazy?! Looking back, I’m like, girl why?

7. Did you ever seek professional help? If so, what was that like?

I didn’t however, I was put in ‘Special Needs’ classes. It was for kids with learning disabilities and emotional or behavioral difficulties. I hated it and was ridiculed for it. I grew up in Nigeria and there wasn’t much available for kids that struggle with low self esteem and confidence and even in those classes, I didn’t really feel they were helping me. I would try and avoid the classes but this would mean more trouble for me.. I really didn’t like it. Although, improvements are being made in the country to help with mental health and wellness, there is a still a stigma attached.

8. Do you have anyone in your corner? Who are your biggest supporters?

My family was my rock especially my mum! She was always there for me especially during the times I would get bullied and would get low grades etc. She stood by me. I have a very close-knit family and they were and still are  my biggest supporters. I also have a close relationship with God but it wasn’t solid as it is now.

9. Do you believe social media has a positive or negative impact on the way you view confidence from within?

Yes I think it has a negative impact to be honest !! Social media affects us internally whether we chose to believe it or not. Majority of us spend half of the day scrolling through our Instagram feed monitoring other people’s lives and forgetting we have ourselves to take care of. I’ve also seen tremendous personal growth and sanity when I take detoxes. I’m more productive, I’m present for myself, my family and friends. I’m also able to build up my relationship with God by spending quality time communing with Him.

10. What was the hardest thing you had to embrace when it came to YOUR truth?

I am unique. I am Motunde. Yes, I’m super introverted, shy, have made mistakes but I’m a work in progress. For so long, my past mistakes held me bound but I’m coming to terms with it. They happened for a reason. And instead of suppressing them, I will embrace them because they are a part of my story. They have shaped me into the person I am today; there won’t be a testimony without those mistakes and failures.

11. What are something’s that’s holding you back from being confident in your truth?

Fear of being judged and what other people will think. But, honestly who cares about other people’s opinions? I’ve come to realize someone will always have something to say about you whether you are doing good or bad so I might was well live my life owning my truth.

12. What steps do you need to take to show up for yourself?

Affirmations!!! I’m constantly speaking life, health, wealth, confidence into my life and it works! You are what you tell yourself! I also think & plan out things in my head. I try to be proactive instead of being reactive.

13. How are you going to cultivate confidence/wholeness this year and moving forward?

For me, it’s constantly putting myself outside my comfort zone; doing the things that scare me. Over the last year, I’ve seen tremendous growth in my confidence, I’m able to meet new people, cultivate new relationships, do PUBLIC SPEAKING! Yes I did! Your girl is able to coach people doing school projects, give presentations, ask questions! So I’m just going to keep all this up and not limit myself because of what people will say or think. This coming year, I’m not going to let people stop me from owning my truth and living the life I was called to live.

14. What lessons have you learned? What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with cultivating confidence and their truth?

Girl, it’s a process. It’s a journey. It won’t be easy. People will question your flyness. People will doubt your capabilities. You’ll question yourself but keep your eyes on your bigger goal. You are on earth for a reason. Before anyone else had an opinion, you had a purpose. Focus on that. Believe in yourself. Trust me sis, it’s the KEY. Do whatever it takes – affirmations, practicing in the mirror, public speaking classes. With hard work and a strong belief in yourself, you are unbeatable.

15. If you had to tell anything to that little girl you used to be, what would that be? & also tell her what type of woman are you today?

Wow! Good question!! I would say girl, your future is bright. There is so much ahead of you, why were you stressing? Why were you doubting yourself? Why were you feeding into people’s opinions of people? Why were you wasting time on insignificant things? You are a star. You have so much amazing things ahead of you. You are special. You don’t have be liked by everyone. Stop people -pleasing. Its okay to be different. Do you. Be you. Let everyone else take a hike.

Today I’m a confident woman. I know who I am. I know my truth and I’m owning it. I’m not perfect but I’m not what I used to be. I know my purpose and living that through my online personal development platform (www.mottyinspires.com). I am inspiring, motivating & empowering other young women like me through my story to achieve their goals and become the best they can be. No matter what mistakes you’ve made, what your background was like, who you are, you can make it to the top!!!

Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Jessica Gordon

Life.

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1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media?

Greetings! My name is Jessica Gordon and I live in Charlotte, NC.  I am a new mom and wife and an Educator for a large, urban public school system. I am dedicated to living a life of transparency and full of love. I desire to share and help others live the same.

Social media:

Instagram: LiquidGoldMama_ & LiquidGoldMama on everything else.

 

2. What was your childhood like? Were you introverted/and or extroverted?

My childhood was full of contradictions. My Dad never ate a meal with me in my childhood (he did once I asked at 26) and my mother was living with a serious mental illness and was more like a sibling than a parent. In that same mix of confusion, my grandmother held it down and gave me structure to do well in school and gain employment at 14. I was certainly extroverted all my life.

 

3. At what age did you begin to struggle with confidence? Explain what transpired during that time period?

I began to struggle with my confidence at the age of 18 (2005). I was beginning my Sophomore year in college and I had to hitch a ride to bail my mom out of jail in our hometown. My grandmother had been deceased for one year. Life as I once knew it has changed drastically and I felt like I didn’t belong in college. I also felt isolated because so many of my friends had parents that cared for them and did so many things for them. I was working two to three jobs just to have enough money for me and my mom to eat. These life situations made me feel less than and I took the blame for my mother illness. I felt insecure about who I was as a young woman.

 

4. Did this have a negative effect on your relationship with yourself and others?

This had a huge impact on my relationships. I began a relationship with a guy that was verbally and physically abusive. I shut down and refused to address how I really felt. Mainly because I felt that there was no time to address my feelings of having a mom with Schizophrenia. Nor was there time to cry about my Dad not wanting to be in my life but seeing pictures of him raise his other children. I was mean and aggressive towards people that probably really cared. My abandonment issues wouldn’t allow me to be vulnerable with people. My relationship with myself was miserable and I made tons of decisions that were harmful to myself because I numbed myself with distractions of men, sex, and partying.

 

5. What was the most challenging time period in your life?

Shit. Excuse my language. The most challenging? Besides pushing this 7lb baby out my vagina, it was definitely the years of trying to keep my mom off the streets, pay her bills, pay  my bills and teach 7th graders everyday.

 

6. Did you ever feel as though you were spiraling out of control? If so, at what age did you begin to lose self-control?

Oh I was definitely spiraling out of control internally and privately. However I am a proud woman so my bad decisions never interfered with me working everyday nor paying my bills. I was out of control from ages 19-25. Damn that hurt to even type that I was out of control that long and more confirmation of why I desire to share my story because I want to save another Queen some time and heartache.

 

7. Did you ever seek professional help? If so, what was that like?

Yes I did seek professional help at the age 25. It was shortly after I moved my mother to live with me and it didn’t work out and I had to move her to an Assisted Living. None of our family would help with her and I had my first panic attack at work. I decided that day because the panic attack happened at work and I had never experienced anything like that and I couldn’t have anything coming in between me and my coin. I searched for free therapists because NC Teachers don’t make much money. So I found a Wake Forest graduate student that needed clinical hours to graduate and she happened to be a black woman. The experience helped me answer questions that I never had an opportunity to ever consider due to living day to day. I encourage others to try therapy. Although it was difficult revisiting things that I had suppressed for decades, it certainly helped me be a better version of myself.

 

8. Do you have anyone in your corner? Who are your biggest supporters?

Yes I do now! I went to therapy from 25-27 and then went back to therapy at 29. This second time I had already addressed so much of my childhood issues that I was ready for solutions and break cycles that I had been repeating. So now I have an amazing husband that loves, respects and honors me. I have a small circle of friends that I call sisters. We encourage each other often.

 

9. Do you believe social media has a positive or negative impact on the way you view confidence from within?

Social Media can cause you to compare yourself to people when it is not necessary nor realistic reels of their life.  Once I realized that a few years ago, I learned to take breaks from social media and center myself within.

 

10. What was the hardest thing you had to embrace when it came to YOUR truth?

The hardest thing that I am having to embrace is accepting things as they are. I deeply desire for my mother to be well. I am the daughter of a mother with a serious mental illness. I still hold back and wont tell others when she is hospitalized or wandering the streets. Before therapy, it was challenging to embrace that my actions were the reasons I was being mistreated and disrespected by men. I blamed them for mistreating me when I should have been loving and respecting myself.

 

11. What are something’s that’s holding you back from being confident in your truth?

I took a vow to myself to walk in my truth. So overall I am confident in my truth. However as a human, I sometimes worry about judgment from others about the years that I was promiscuous and having abortions.

 

12. What steps do you need to take to show up for yourself?

I need to continue to forgive myself and recognize that without the bad I wouldn’t be able to appreciate how great things are right now.

 

13. How are you going to cultivate confidence/wholeness this year and moving forward?

I cultivate wholeness by being transparent in my conversations and actions. I maintain integrity. I keep myself open and I am vulnerable with those that I know love me.

 

14. What lessons have you learned? What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with cultivating confidence and their truth?

I have learned that walking in your truth is an action that requires work. It easy to hide. It is easy to imitate. It is challenging to lead yourself to wholeness because you have to address issues that may hurt, you may have to cut people off that no longer serve your greatest good. I would tell someone that going through it and really doing the work is beyond worth it. There is so much freedom on the other side of this work.

 

15. If you had to tell anything to that little girl you used to be, what would that be? & also tell her what type of woman are you today?

I would tell myself  to go to therapy earlier. Having parents that are alive and they can’t/won’t support you are not things that I asked for and from those childhood experiences I needed therapy to sort through those feelings. I would tell myself that church and praying are great and will definitely provide you with community and fellowship but there are things that you have seen that you didn’t deserve but you have to work through it to get beyond it.

I would tell that little girl that the woman I am today is resilient and full of love. This woman has forgiven her father and taken care of her mother.